Australia

"I want to fly and run till it hurts
Sleep for awhile and speak no words in Australia
In Australia"

Australia, Track no 9 from the album Everything Must Go by the Manic Street Preachers. Lyrics by Nicky Wire.

Australia, the 9th track from the Welsh trio Manic Street Preachers's magnum opus, Everything Must Go (although some may argue that it should be 93's Generation Terrorists) fully epitomised the sanctity of the great continent which is literally located at the arse end of the world. Never had I imagined while listening to this great track back in 96 that I would indeed spend almost 2 full years of my existence down under. For someone who prior, had not travelled much, my Australian hiatus was not only a truly an eye-opening and jaw dropping experience, it also taught me many valuable lessons in life, one of which I have only come to apprehend in recent months.

Although I was studying in Brisbane which is the capital of the great state of Queensland ( affectionately referred to as The Sunshine State as the climate is much hotter than any of the other 7 states ) and I have visited Melbourne ( for 2 weeks ), which is the capital of the state of Victoria, my stay in these places have made me come to the conclusion that if there is one word that perfectly depicts the nation, it would be simply 'fantastic'. Everything about the country is fantastic, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, the sights.. The list goes on really. It has been close to a year since my Australian adventure ended and I remember that initially, it was a struggle coming to terms with being back in Singapore. Infact, it was a major struggle.

I suppose it was due to a number of various reasons. My journey in education had finally come to an end at the age of 26 and it was time for me to be responsible and perform the norm of securing employment, providing for my family and to not leech off them as I have been doing since birth, all of which I've come to expect and willfully accept as part of the transition most people have to go through in their lives. I was standing at the crossroads and I knew which path I needed to take, but I just couldn't budge. After the initial euphoria experienced from finally being back with your loved ones, thoughts and dreams of being back in Australia began creeping into my head and over time, the yearnings grew and I found it difficult to sustain my usual self infront of my family and friends. During this period of time, I even stopped looking for employment. I felt that I could not breathe in this country and I started developing a hatred for it which grew with every passing second. Things were at an all time low for me at this point. For things to improve, I needed my fix.. I needed to be back in Australia.

It eventually culminated in a stand-off between my dad and I, where I expressed my every emotion thoroughly and vividly and it was during this confrontation, where for the first time in my life, I could see my father visibly disappointed in me. Even when I got in a barfight and came home heavily bandaged around my head a couple of years back, he was not disappointed, he was merely pissed. However his look of utter disappointment did not subdue me, not even in the least bit. I was on the war-path and nothing was going to get in the way of me and my Australian dream. I continued with my rants and soon the old man finally lost his cool and it escalated into one of the loudest shout-fests, the household or even the block had ever seen. Back and forth we went, like a long tennis rally. As it went on, I realised that he was not going to flinch and I started getting really desperate. I begun citing reasons such as how could he live with himself knowing that he did not allow his own son, his very own flesh and blood, to fulfill his aspirations and dreams. Yes, it was pretty obvious that I was becoming very desperate. Then all of a sudden, it happened.. my dad went to his room, got his credit card out, came back out to the hall and threw it at my face. "Make whatever arrangements you want and do not talk to me ever again", he said with the straightest of faces, exhibiting no emotions. I had won. I was coming home.

That was how I felt, at least for the first few seconds, but there was no way, not a chance in hell I could ever have gone through with it especially in such circumstances, with him not wanting to talk to me ever. What I needed was a utopian scenario where he would graciously allow me to leave and shower me with his blessings. Do not get me wrong here, my old man is not against the idea of me seeking employment and being abroad, he would rather that I work here for the time being, maybe for a couple of years so that I would have my own financial sources to pursue whatever it is I deem desirable in the future instead of further draining the family sustenance. He also wanted his family to be together as one again for the moment because he realised that it was just a matter of time before his offspring would have to eventually leave the nest.

However in the 2 weeks that we did not converse, something gradually happened to me which had not since I got back. I calmed down. An act of god? I believe so. It was during this period that I began re-identifying with the old man and sympathising with his plight, or more so, our family's plight. The bond that my dad and I share as since further strengthened and until today I cant help but to wonder what drove to me to act so inexplicably selfish during that period. "You were probably going through some post-Australia withdrawal thing", he says confidently. He's probably right. He usually is. "I was expecting it anyways". Go figure.

Till this day, the urge to head back to Australia has always remained, but it is not a priority these days. If it happens, great! If it does not, oh well, I can always make trips there. There is no better time to be here than right now. Things are finally falling into place, I found my soul mate, I will be entering the working phase of my life shortly and my family's doing good. What else more can one ask for or what else more does one really need? In this State, reduction in tobacco and alcohol prices would come close.

It is only in recent months that I have however, finally come to ascertain what is that one thing about Australia, that voodoo charm it possesses that always places itself somewhere at the back of my head. Well.. It was never about Australia, it was the freedom I had when I was there. I could have gone to The States or even The U.K and it would have been the same and not mattered the least bit. The freedom of having my own place, preparing your own meals, coming home late with no one having to ask where have you been, stacking your fridge full of beer.. Yep.. That was what I really loved about Australia.

"As you were, I was. As I am, you will be." - Hunter S. Thompson